The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
