Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
