oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
