Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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