before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
