Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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