Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
