I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
