If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
