I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
