she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize