I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
