in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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