so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
