ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
