I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
