You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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