im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
