Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize