i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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