I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
