yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
