I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just threw up on my dentist
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
