We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
