i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
