we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
