I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
