well I can't set my house on fire every night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
