I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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