I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
