Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wear drunk well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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