i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize