YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
