Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
