He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
