Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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