Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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