Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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