dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
