Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
