i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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