my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
