There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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