you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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