his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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