I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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