Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We smell like vodka and hangover
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