The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
