a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
