After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
