Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
