I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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