Your tits are I can't wait for
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize