He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
