alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
