Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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