I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
