You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
