I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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