you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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