He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
