he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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