I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
