i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
whose parrot is this?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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