there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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