im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
