so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
