Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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