you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
