he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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