hotel room ftw
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
