There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
