:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
