Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
