so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
