I think I won the penis lottery.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
