At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize