then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont even know how to be here
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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