My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
