Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
