youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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