Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
