I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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