It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
