Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize