So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
