I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
