So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
