literally had 100 drinks last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize