I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
