Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
