Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
