Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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