just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
