worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
