I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
