so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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