You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
