Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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