To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
