just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am one with the molecules
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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