I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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