So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
