dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
