yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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