It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
