they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sarcasm needs its own font
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
