im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
organizing the empties. That sober.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize