I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
